Breathing to Un-Stress
How to activate the relaxation response using your breath.
In this post, I’m going to share one of my go-to tools that I use both for myself and my clients in dealing with stress, reactiveness, and feeling worked up: breathing. Breathing techniques are a simple, quick, and effective way to self-regulate the nervous system – and I’m going to share with you how that works.
I’ll also cover two practical and effective breathing techniques, called deep belly breathing (aka diaphragmatic breathing) and box breathing.
Deep belly breathing is a deceptively simple way to trigger the relaxation response. It is so simple that I’ve noticed there’s a tendency to brush it off and try to look for something ‘stronger’ to deal with stress. So I encourage you to look past the simplicity and give it a go - sometimes the subtlest of things can be the most powerful! In fact, deep belly breathing is one of the most fundamental and universal tools for managing stress, overwhelm, and triggered reactions – it works, it’s free, it’s always available, and it can be discrete enough to use in any situation. Box breathing is even reportedly used by the Navy SEALs to help them stay calm and present during stress – I certainly use it myself when under pressure or feeling worked up.
As a note to my meditation students – deep belly breathing is a helpful complement to your meditation practice as an ‘on-the-go’ technique to use when needed in between medi sits, if you notice yourself feeling reactive or stressed. Your meditation practice makes it much easier to recognise in yourself the signs of stress or a reaction happening, and makes it easier to interrupt the reaction, eg. by deep belly breathing until you feel settled again. Even experienced meditators will find use for breathing techniques.
How does breathing help?
Our breathing can directly influence the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system is divided into the sympathetic nervous system (activating) and parasympathetic nervous system (calming).
Shallow breathing or taking a short, sharp intake of breath through your mouth (like what happens when you get a fright) can activate the sympathetic nervous system and the fight or flight response. In contrast, deep, steady, belly breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system and the rest and relaxation response (ie. the opposite of the fight or flight response). You can start to feel calmer and more focussed within minutes of deep breathing. So with our breath, we can consciously counteract the stress response and help to calm ourselves down.
When you recognise the signs of stress happening, you can use calming breathing techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing and box breathing to bring yourself into the present moment, trigger the relaxation response, turn down the fight or flight response, and move into a more present and aware state.
When are these breathing tools helpful?
Breathing tools can be useful for both what I call ‘general relaxation’ and ‘urgent relaxation’.
Firstly let’s talk about general relaxation – ie. something you might want to do at the end of the working day. The nature of stress is that we can easily overlook when we are caught up in a degree of stress, and keep pushing through it – without even realising that’s what we’re doing – carrying the stress with us and letting it build up. By putting in some regular ‘un-stressing’ practices, we can let our awareness reconnect with our bodies, tune in, and unwind. If you are a practicing meditator, you will already be doing this with your daily meditation practice – hooray for that. If you aren’t a meditator, then you might like to try doing some quiet diaphragmatic breathing, observation, and reflection for 5-10 minutes each day – perhaps during your lunch break, after work, or before picking the kids up from school for example. Pay attention to what you notice in yourself and the benefits that arise for you.
The second scenario I mentioned is for urgent relaxation (so to speak) – ie. when you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or worked up, to help calm yourself down and bring yourself into a more present state of awareness.
By consciously performing these breathing practices, we can interrupt the unconscious patterns and stress reactions that play out in our minds and bodies.
Examples of when I use diaphragmatic breathing or box breathing to quickly calm down:
Before I go in to a meeting if I’ve been rushing
When I’m waiting at the dentist, or anytime I’m feeling nervous
Before I walk in the door at home if I’m feeling irritated/distracted/rushed/etc
When I’m feeling triggered and reactive or worked up
How to do it
Practice these techniques when you are feeling relaxed. Soon enough you will have the hang of it, and will be able to do it anywhere, anytime, while on-the-go – even mid-conversation.
Important: when we are intentionally breathing for relaxation, we want the inbreath to be through the nose, deep and steady, with an equally long, steady, controlled outbreath.
Deep Belly Breathing (Diaphragmatic Breathing)
The aim of diaphragmatic breathing is to breathe deeply and fully into the lower part of the ribcage where the most oxygen exchange occurs, drawing the diaphragm down to fully expand the lungs and fill up the lungs with air (as opposed to breathing shallowly into the chest).
To practice, put one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach just under the rib cage – if you are breathing deeply into your belly you should feel the hand on the stomach moving while the hand on the chest stays relatively still. The trick is to ensure that you are actually filling up your lungs with air, as opposed to simply pushing the belly out.
Start by sitting comfortably upright in good posture - ie. straighten up, let the shoulders relax down and back; head and neck are relaxed.
Bring your awareness to where your breath is going in your lungs – start to deepen the breath: breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, down into the belly. (With one hand placed on your belly and one on your chest, you should be able to feel your belly and lower parts of the ribcage expand while the upper chest stays relatively still).
Breathe out slowly through pursed lips - slow your exhale to match your inhale. The breath is long, slow, steady and regular.
Continue breathing deeply in and out, making sure your breaths are nice and even, as well as being slow – it can be helpful to count your breath in and out to help maintain a regular cycle. The outbreath should be at least as long as the inbreath to avoid over-oxygenating or hyperventilation.
Counting the breath also helps take the focus away from the stressful or worrying reaction in the body, allow you to further settle.
Box Breathing (aka 4-Square Breathing)
This technique is to do deep belly breathing with a steady, gentle hold in between each breath to a count of 4. Note that the inbreath is through the nose, deep and steady, with an equally long, steady, controlled outbreath.
Breathe out, letting out all the air from your lungs
Deep belly breath in for a count of 4; hold gently for a count of 4
Full breath out for a count of 4; hold gently for a count of 4
Continue breathing in for 4, holding for 4, out for 4, holding for 4, in for 4, and so on, until you feel calm and settled again
Important points:
The breaths are deep belly breaths
The breaths are long, slow, steady, even breaths (the outbreath should be at least as long as the inbreath to avoid over-oxygenating or hyperventilation)
It should be comfortable to do and gentle. When holding the breath let it be gentle and expansive as opposed to clamping down creating pressure
As you settle, if you have been feeling worked up, remind yourself that you are safe, in control, and are simply going through a process that will pass (just like the weather) as you continue to breathe through it.
Implementing this in daily life
It can be hard to remember to simply breathe in the heat of the moment, so don’t feel bad if you forget to do it. This is all about forming a new habit, and it will get easier over time as you bring more awareness to your reactions, and awareness to what you notice playing out when you do remember to use the breathing tools. I recommend practicing when you are feeling relatively relaxed and it’s easy to do so, so that it comes more naturally when you are feeling overwhelmed. Keep practicing when you do remember, and of course please reach out if you would like support with personalisng this approach for your own situation. This all become easier to do when you have support to bring awareness to triggers and the habit loop, and replace the habitual reaction with a more helpful response – which are all things that we can work together on through Holistic Life Coaching.
In Holistic Life Coaching, breathing becomes just one part of the process of interrupting the habit loop, bringing awareness to subconscious patterns that are playing out, and then re-forming new, more helpful and updated responses. If this is resonating with you, please feel welcome to reach out to discuss coaching for dealing with overwhelm or rewiring unhelpful patterns.
Self-challenge:
This week, practice diaphragmatic breathing every day, especially when you notice yourself feeling worked up. Pay attention to what you notice and the benefits you experience. Let me know how you go!
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Please note: as with any process of deep inner reflection, tuning in to the sensations and emotions within your body can sometimes ‘bring stuff up’ that may need to be processed. If you experience discomfort in practicing these techniques, please look after yourself by seeking professional support. You are welcome to contact me to discuss your experience with practicing these techniques, and if what you are experiencing is outside of my scope of practice as a Holistic Life Coach and Meditation Teacher, I will refer you to relevant support.
The exercise information provided here is of a general nature and can not be substituted for the advice provided by a medical doctor or certified health practitioner. Read full disclaimer here.